


Build A Home

by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions)



Series: Ten Years On [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Drift Bond, Gen, I'm just stealing from all the other fandoms today, Platonic VLD Week 2017, Shiro (Voltron)-centric, Ten Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11399469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticReactions/pseuds/BossToaster
Summary: After being gone for ten years, it's time for Shiro to be part of forming Voltron again.  But things are different now, including his relationship with the other paladins and the bond that links them.For Platonic Week 2.0





	Build A Home

“Here we are!” Coran announced cheerfully. “Good ole’ Talwar 6.  It’s been quite awhile, hasn’t it?”

Keith nodded, lips pressed thin.  “Yeah.  A long time.”  He leaned in closer to Shiro, jaw barely moving as he murmured.  “Could have gone longer.”

Hiding his smile, Shiro peered curiously through the windows.  “It’s interesting to finally see it,” he commented mildly.  “Don’t plan to get kidnapped again, do you, Coran?”

“Kidnapped?” Sam asked, eyeing Coran.  “You?  How’d they manage that?”

Coran held up a finger, shooting Shiro a flat look. “What our Number Two failed to mention was that it was on _purpose.”_

“And because of it we killed a protective beast, went on a scavenger hunt for a pearl, and I won a game of chess,” Pidge agreed, rocking back on the heels of her boots.  As she glanced into the twisted rubble of Talwar 6, her green visor flashed, rapidly scrolling through Altean text.  “Not the worst training session we’ve ever had.”

Laughing, Lance nodded.  “Oh, yeah, that one with the flock of Eyenvire on Areia was so much worse.  We stank for _days.”_

Shiro paused, his amusement fading slightly.  Lance must have noticed, because his eyes cut sideways and his brows rose in question.  Ignoring that, Shiro nodded to the windows.  “This is where you want to start?  I thought it was meant for the Black Lion.”

“Voltron can withstand nearly any circumstances than an individual lion can,” Allura replied easily.  “But in this case, it will be a tighter fit.”

Keith sighed.  “Along with the dark pathways, the dead ends, the loop-de-loops.”

Nudging him encouragingly, Hunk tried a smile.  “You made it all the way through last time you tried.”

That made Keith shift on his feet.  “Yeah.  Didn’t mean I liked it.  And I might have broken a wall.  Two sharp turns in a row.”

Lance burst into laughter.  “Oh, man, I can’t wait to see that.  There’s going to be a Black Lion shaped hole like in a cartoon, right?  Please tell me you hit it sideways.”

“Pretty close, actually.”

“You’ll be alright,” Allura told Shiro, her expression softening.  “I won’t pretend it’s easy, but it’ll be the a fantastic way to get you all used to working together as a unit again outside of battle.  Voltron is much larger, true, but you’ll have Keith’s memories of his practices to help you.  If worse comes to worst, we can always retrieve you.”

Shiro’s shoulders tightened.  “I hope that won’t be necessary,” he replied.

“It’s not the end of the world if we don’t get it on the first try, you know,” Hunk pointed out, smiling.  Then he frowned.  “I mean that literally.  We have time.  It’s not like it used to be.”

Damn.  Shiro’s stomach twisted uncomfortably.  He’d needed that... moment, no doubt.  But the fact that someone had seen it and _remembered_ it galled.  Hunk would be kind and wouldn’t tease, but Shiro still wasn’t happy being seen that way.

“I don’t like to lose,” Shiro replied instead, which was completely accurate.  “If it comes to that, we can add a Voltron-shaped hole to the collection.”

Looking up from his console, Matt snickered.  “If you can’t beat it, you’ll cheat instead?”

“Essentially,” Shiro replied, lips curling up.

“Very comforting to hear, Takashi,” Sam drawled, his tone taking on an edge of command.  Despite knowing he was teasing, Shiro still ducked his head, ears heating with the hint of a blush.

When he looked up, Lance’s lips were pressed thin and his eyes sparkling impishly.  “Aww, our youngest is so bashful.  He’s such a good soldier for Sam.”

Immediately, Shiro shoved his helmet on.  “Right.  Let’s get started.”

“Lance,” Hunk scolded.

“He was being cute, I couldn’t help it.”

Brows up, Shiro eyed them flatly.  “I think there was an implied ‘now’ in there.”

Pidge tapped the side of her temple, making her projected visor vanish before she put on her helmet.  “You heard the man.  We have to _listen_ again.  Weird.”

“Have you not been listening since Shiro left?” Allura asked, voice going mockingly angrily.

Raising a hand, Pidge made a so-so gesture.  “Eh.”

“Let’s go before Allura takes that as a challenge,” Keith said, moving to stand next to Shiro at the door.

“Oh, you have challenge enough coming up,” Allura replied sweetly.  “Have fun, paladins.”

Shiro paused, eyeing her worriedly.  It had sounded annoying at worst until _that._

Putting a hand on Shiro’s shoulder, Lance guided him away.  “Don’t let her get to you.”

Well, at least they were moving.

“You have your bayard, Shiro?” Keith asked.

It took a couple of tries to get it out of its holstered state in the armor, but Shiro held it up.  “Yes.”

Not that he’d used it before.  This was the first training session since Shiro was sure he could even fly the Black Lion again without disappearing into the ether for another ten years.

Shiro had no idea what to expect from it.  Other than in those first moments, before he’d even remembered what his arm could do, Shiro hadn’t given what his bayard would be much thought.  Why bother?  He didn’t get one, it was just taunting himself.

Now that he finally had the chance, Shiro wasn’t sure what to expect.  Each of them was a reflection of who they were, and Shiro wasn’t certain he wanted that look, not really.

It was just one of many things to be nervous of going into restarting their team.

It didn’t even rank in the top five, honestly.

Swallowing that, Shiro stepped up to the zipline and took a deep breath.

Show time.

***

Flying Black was as easy as pulling on a comfy old sweater.  Shiro relaxed back into the seat, letting the familiar thrumming soothe some of his anxieties.  In the back of his mind, Black nudged Shiro back, almost like a sigh of relief.  They had both had to make adjustments, both recently and in the past ten years, but this was how they were supposed to be.

That wasn’t the part Shiro was worried about anymore.

Setting his shoulders, Shiro took a deep breath.  “Alright, team, let’s try this.”  His voice steadied and deepened slightly, the tone he always used for command.

There was a long pause.  “Did he always sound like that?” Lance murmured.

“During missions and training?  Yes.”  Keith didn’t sound like the question was weird at all.  Resigned, more like.

Pidge let out a snicker.  “Oh, are we not going to sit around for a while?  I brought a book.”

Shiro faltered, utterly unsure what to do with this kind of response.  “Excuse me?”

“We’re not cadets that you have to lead like cats,” Hunk told him, sounding like he was trying not to be amused.  “It’s kind of weird to be told to do something obvious, that’s all.”

Shiro’s fingers tightened around the console.  “It’s just a signal to get started,” he pointed out.

“Alright, sorry,” Lance replied.  “It’s just an adjustment, that’s all.  Yeah, let’s do this.”

Taking a deep breath, Shiro turned Black around and faced the entrance to the winding, floating tunnels of Talwar 6.  He closed his eyes and reached out for the others, same as they’d done dozens of times for him, and probably hundreds of times without, more often with Allura than with Shiro-

He slipped.

The connection stuttered and buckled.  Shiro nearly slipped out of the mentality entirely, but he felt the presence at his back again, nudging him forward and steadying him.

Right.  They weren’t the people they’d been last time they did this.  Shiro was reaching out for them as they had been.  He was trying to connect with ghosts.

Swallowing hard, Shiro shoved the thoughts away.  He could feel the links being made, feel their minds syncing up.  He lined up with them, more carefully than last time, and this time it took.

When he opened his eyes, they were in Voltron.

But it wasn’t like before.

_ When I did this last time the curves were hairpin. _

_ Like in the meteor fields near Sharay? (Ducking fast, curving over a huge meteor, more of a moon, Blue’s paws scraping against the rock as he strained up) _

_ Except you can’t see. (Twisting, turning, half on instinct- no, that wasn’t right, wrong lion.  Trying to predict the turns he couldn’t see, ready to adapt as needed, proving himself worthy of being here in the first place when Shiro never got to-) _

_ [Sympathy, empathy, from several different directions at once.  Harmony of shared experience.] _

What was happening?

Shiro wasn’t supposed to be seeing this.  Why was he seeing their memories, their thoughts, feeling it how they had?  This was voyeuristic, to see Keith’s desperation to prove himself, to feel the aching pain that Shiro had caused him when he’d left again.

_ Shiro? _

He flinched back from Pidge’s prod.  It felt wrong.  That wasn’t how Pidge was supposed to feel in the bond.  She was supposed to ask out loud, not in his head.

_ [A feeling like a hug, steady and warm, helping to hold him up when he felt like collapsing.] _

_ (Holding Shiro close, suddenly, achingly aware that Shiro really was smaller than him now.  Feeling him shake like a leaf through his heaving sobs, something that must have been building for years.  Pulling him tight, rocking them both, wanting to bundle him up and protect him from all those heavy feelings.  Yellow was there, resonating with the feelings, prowling the edges of the room as they both tried to figure out how to help-) _

No!  Shiro didn’t want to see that again.  He didn’t want Hunk to have seen it in the first place.  Could everyone see this?  Was it just Shiro?  What was going on?

_ This is how it is. _

_ [Confusion - mystified. What was wrong?  This was how it worked.] _

_ [Understanding.] _

_ (Forming Voltron for the second time.  The frustration of the awful day melting away into exhilaration as they finally connected for the first time when it wasn’t life or death.  Feeling the others, feeling their intent- but no further.  Separate, closed off, contained.  Each their own limb.  Wondering how well they could kick in this thing, if he and Hunk could just work out the balance-) _

_ Oh.  Right.  I totally forgot. _

_ How did we manage? [Laughter, fond, nostalgic - they’d been so clueless, so overwhelmed and tired.] _

Shiro was overwhelmed and tired now.

_ Oh- I didn’t mean... I’m sorry. _

Was he going to have to do that too?  Share his everything?

_ I don’t think you have to.  It’s just easier.  Faster.  It makes it work better.  (Trading blows with a sworded robeast, sparring so fast it was like fencing, blow for blow, block for block, jump, twist, kick, shield-) _

_ We can work our way up to it.  This is practice. _

But what if-

_ What if what? _

[Fear.]

Shiro pulled himself back, as far as the connection would let him.  It was like trying to press himself into the wall of a tiny closet he was sharing with them.  As far as Shiro knew, he’d never been claustrophobic - cockpits were usually small, cramped things in single person craft - but now he felt it choking him.

_ You don’t have to do this. _

_ [Steady loyalty, unwavering and true.  He would support Shiro in any decision, even if it wasn’t the one Keith wanted to hear.] _

[Grateful.]

(Keith younger, smaller, even more than the last time they’d formed Voltron.  A huge grease smear across his nose and a burning look in his eye as he swore he would beat Shiro’s freshman scores.  A flash of competition, but totally overwhelmed and drowned out by his fond pride.)

_ Aww! _

_ Wow, I’m almost nostalgic for the mullet. _

_ Shut up. _

_ See, that wasn’t so bad.  It’s okay, it won't hurt you. _

No, he’d hurt them.

Wait, they weren’t supposed to-

No, no no no.  He didn’t want them to hear that.  He wasn’t supposed to be like that.  They were supposed to be able to rely on him, he was supposed to support them.

_ We’ve been supporting ourselves for ten years.  We don’t need that. _

[Pain.]

_ I didn’t mean- [Regret, desperation, no no no, not like that, don’t hurt, please!] _

[Backing away, trying to get away, trying to keep from hurting, he always hurt, he was destructive, he was a weapon-]

(“You could have been our greatest weapon.”  Yellow eyes, narrowed, assessing, owning.)

(“You will be great.”  Yellow eyes, wide, pleased, owning.  Claws pushing back down at his head, shoving him against the table, forcing it to the side and away.  A flash of Ulaz, barely recognizable with a mask over the lower half of his face.  Just to the side of him, a glowing blade-)

No!  No, no no!  Not in front of them!  He couldn’t-

The connection broke.

Shiro curled up in Black’s seat, his natural hand shaking as he covered his face.  No.  He couldn’t do that with them.  He couldn’t share that information freely, because so much of it hurt him.  He couldn’t put them through those moments, too.  He didn’t even want them to know he had them, if he could help it.  Usually he couldn’t, but he never had to direction subject them to it.

For several long moments, Shiro just focused on his breathing.  If he could do that, hopefully he wouldn’t cry.

Bad enough Hunk had already seen it.  Bad enough that they’d all seen the memory, like that was something they were all welcome to.  They didn’t need to experience it again.

“Shiro?” Hunk asked carefully.  “You okay?”

If he wasn’t, was Hunk going to tell everyone?

Biting back the uncharitable thought, he took another deep breath.  “I’m fine.”

There was a pause.  “Yeah, that was a stupid question,” Hunk admitted.

“Little bit,” Pidge agreed, honest as ever.  “You need a few minutes?”

Shiro needed to never do that again.  He needed to make it so they couldn’t remember what they’d seen of him.

So he said nothing.

Another minute passed, letting Shiro breathe in silence.  Then, Keith spoke.  “I was captured once,” he said quietly.  “Not by the Galra, actually.  We were investigating a signal and it was- well, we’re never good at finding traps until it’s too late.  It was bad luck.  It was a group of scavengers who drew in unsuspecting would-be-rescuers, then sold them off to whoever would pay.  To the arenas, to do hard labor, to be eaten- whatever.  It took two days for everyone to get me.”

Shiro felt light-headed.  He wasn’t sure he was still breathing.  Keith had almost ended up in the arena.   _Keith could have been in the arena._  At best, he’d been beaten and downtrodden.  Knowing Keith’s stubborn streak, that couldn’t have gone well.

“I’m so sorry,” Shiro murmured.

Keith snorted. “Nothing you could have done.  Unless that was a sympathy sorry.”

“Both,” Shiro admitted.

Pidge sighed.  “The point is that we’re not someone you have to protect,” she replied.  “We’ve all been through war.  We all have our memories and our low points.  Maybe it’s not the same thing as yours, but we won’t break under it.”

Swallowing, Shiro took a deep breath.  “I don’t think you’d break,” he protested, though it was weak.

“You don’t want us to hurt.  That’s commendable, but it’s long since passed, Shiro.”  Lance let out a laugh, but it was a dark, bitter thing.  “We’ve been hurt before.”

“It won’t change how we feel about you,” Hunk said, his voice much gentler than Lance’s.

Something in Shiro cracked.

“You think so?” Shiro replied.  “You _really_ think seeing that won’t change anything?  You won’t treat me differently?”

“We already do,” Keith pointed out.  “It’s been ten years.  We already see you differently.”

The crack widened at the logic of that.  It was true.  Hunk had already proved that in Yellow, when he’d pointed out that Shiro had been just as scared and confused.

They could already see through him.  They already saw the scars.

Shiro’s breathing started to pick up.

“Keith!” Lance protested.  “C’mon, man.”

But Keith only snorted.  “It was true.  We might as well get that out now.  We’re different and that changes how we see him.”

“You could be gentler,” Hunk said.

“You wanted to draw that conversation out to avoid telling the truth?”  Keith shot back.  “He’d figure it out soon anyway.”

Pidge cleared her throat, interrupting them. “Shiro,” she murmured.  “You don’t have to do this.  We can go back inside right now.  Or we can try it again without so much blending.  It’s up to you.”

They needed Voltron.  Shiro was the one bonded with Black this way.  He should be the one to suck it up and deal.

But he didn’t want them to see.

He needed to.  He couldn’t.

“I don’t-”

So much for the decisive head of Voltron.  

Then, the connection to Black drew suddenly taut.  There was the press of a memory, this time held back.  Waiting for his permission.

With a nod, Shiro gave it.

_(Sitting in the head of Voltron, pulled back from the others.  He couldn’t let them see everything.  Insecurities, pains, bitterness - they would only taint the bond, give too much of himself away.  He would deal with them on his own, would investigate his growing questions away from Alfor’s eyes._

_Memories passed, close enough to see but not enough to touch, because to reach out would be to make himself vulnerable, and that couldn’t happen.  He would manage._

_Instead, Zarkon reached for his controls and prepared for battle.)_

Shiro’s stomach sank.

That had been Zarkon’s memory.  Or, at least, Black’s memory of Zarkon’s thoughts and feelings in a close moment.

Doing the same thing Shiro was doing.

But he wasn’t like Zarkon.  He wasn’t.  Shiro would never do what he’d done, no matter the reason.

_[A nudge, gentle and warm.  No, he would not.  That was why Shiro was chosen.  Sadness, heavy regret.  These necessary traits to be their pilot came with isolation, with a lack of trust.  With pain.]_

Oh.

“Shiro?” Pidge repeated, louder this time.  “Are you alright in there?”

“Yes,” he replied, taking a deep breath.  “One moment.  Black is talking.”

There was nothing after, though, except another warm nudge and a rumble like a purr.

Black was going to let Shiro make the choice.  This was merely advice from a being that had seen this happen before, and knew what the consequences were.

Whatever had happened to Zarkon, it had been because he couldn’t trust.  He couldn’t reach out and let the others in to help him.  Instead, his negative feelings festered and grew into hate and betrayal.

Shiro didn’t want that.

But the alternative was being vulnerable.

It wasn’t that Shiro didn’t trust them.  Honestly, he did.  He knew they’d never use it against him.

He just didn’t know that they’d still feel that way after they’d seen the depth of what Shiro had done and been through.

....Maybe he didn’t trust them as much as he’d thought.

Shiro was a reserved person.  He didn’t like to dump his problems on others, didn’t like to showcase his weaknesses.  Easily joking with them about his interests or being undignified was already putting himself out there.

But that wasn’t enough here.

“Let’s try this again,” Shiro finally said, eyes closed.  “One more time, and if it breaks again, we’ll have to try something else.”

There was a pause.  “You really don’t have to,” Lance said.  “We’d like it if you would, but don’t-”

“Don’t do this just because of the universe,” Keith finished.

Shiro didn’t open his eyes, but he smiled.  “I’m not,” he agreed, mild and truthful.

He was doing it for himself.  Even if Shiro gave up his position as Black Paladin after all, he didn’t want to be the kind of person who would let negativity fester and boil over into something toxic.  Maybe Shiro could never be Zarkon, but that didn’t mean it these feelings couldn’t change him into something darker.

That would be losing, as far as Shiro was concerned.

The others said they could take it.  Shiro could at least take them at their word and give it a shot.  He could trust them.

This time, Shiro reached out and snagged onto them immediately.  He wasn’t just prepared for them to feel different than he expected - he was banking on it.  Shiro couldn’t have done this if they were all looking up to him for support and guidance like they had.

In a flash they were Voltron once more.

_ [Concern, four flavors of each.  Unsure, wary, reminded that this was new again, that this might not work out.  Torn between doing right by their team and wanting this to work.] _

Shiro smiled, finally opening his eyes.

No way to test this but to do.

So how were they supposed to tackle the labyrinth?

_ Just go through it. _

_ Hug the left wall. _

_ Would that work this time?  It’s multiple winding tunnels.  I’m not sure that applies this time.  Does that change? _

_...I’m not sure.  Still, something better than just ‘guess’. _

_ Hey! _

_ Look for the lion-shaped hole. _

Actually, just going for it sounded pretty good to Shiro.  Sometimes doing silly, impulsive things didn’t work the way they planned it, but it was good bonding anyway.

(“And I’ll form the head.”  The wry knowledge that this was definitely wrong but, well, why not?  They’d tried everything else they could think of, and Allura wasn’t being any help.  Enjoying the careful maneuvering down, tongue threatening to peek out from between his lips as he concentrated hard on not harming the Green or Red Lion.  Then- wait, why was Hunk up there?)

_ I was right  - I did get to be the head once. [Pride, the same sly pleasure as telling a bad pun] _

_ Don’t make head jokes, it just gets Lance started. _

_ I’m being good!  You said it, not me. _

_ No one said anything. _

_ Okay, now you’re doing the literal thing on purpose. _

_ So what? _

Alright, enough. [Intent: Let’s go]

_ [Fond agreement, momentum] _

They finally moved into the entrance of the winding tunnels.

It was, unsurprisingly, just like Keith remembered.  They blazed through at speed, because otherwise it would take days to get through all the twists and turns until they found their way out.

It was also very, very dark, without even the light of the nearest sun.

Which meant that the inside of the Black Lion was lit a pale purple.

_ (Twisting through.  Pause.  This looked familiar.  He’d been here before?  Last time he’d turned right.  Was it the same, or just similar?  He turned right again.  Arriving again - that tunnel was a complete circle.  Left instead.) _

They turned left.

(He turned left, and ran right into a container of something heavy and glowing.  It fell hard, hitting the metal floor with a loud clatter.  The drones looked up and Shiro bolted in the other dir-)

_ Shiro. _

-Oh.

_ You with us? _

Actually, yes.  The tug had pulled him back quickly.

_ Good. _

[Waiting for the shoe to drop: for the reaction to his pain.]

_ [Sadness.  Protective.  Shiro hadn’t deserved that.  The feeling of hugging Shiro tight, pulling him close and letting him cry it out.] _

Shiro started to flinch from the feeling, but then paused.

It wasn’t brought up to humiliate him.  Hunk wasn’t sharing it to show off Shiro’s weakness to the rest of the team.

It was to _comfort_ him.  It was a hug.

Oh.

Swallowing, Shiro considered.  Then-

[Settling into the comfort of it.  The tail end of those emotions escaping, shaky and stuffed with it.  The protective feelings, both of Hunk’s arms around him and Yellow circling them.  The quiet awe at feeling the lion respond.  Being told it was because they wanted to help him.  Relief, relaxing, letting go.  Trust.  He could trust them.]

He could trust them.

_[Trust.]_

There was the press from his lion and another purr.

Trust there, too.

Smiling, Shiro pressed forward on the lever.  Judging by Keith’s memories, the hole should be to the left.

_ It won’t look like a cartoon. _

_ Don’t ruin this for me.  I want this moment. _

This wasn’t the way it had been.  They were the same people, but changed.  Older.  Grown.

People that Shiro could rely on to help him.

The relationships and connections had changed out of necessity, and Shiro would have to adapt to that.  He’d have to learn to lead in a different way, no longer support and speeches to let them know they could do it.  They knew they could.  Shiro would have to fill a different role.

But they could do that.  They had time now, a luxury they’d never had before.

Shiro just needed to be willing and have trust.

He’d stutter.  He was sure he would.  Being open wasn’t in his nature.

But they would work it out.  Shiro knew they would, because there was one more thing flowing through the bond.

_ [Love.] _


End file.
